randoms

1. If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
2. Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable. - Mrs. White, (Clue 1985)
3. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
4. Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge.
5. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. A. Whitney Brown
6. When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein
7. He who laughs last didn't get it.
8. Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
9. There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side.
10. There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
11. The road to success is always under construction.
12. "Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back." - Al Bundy
13. My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
14. There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
15. Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
16. Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
17. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
18. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson
19. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
    'Hold my purse.'
20. You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson
21. Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
23. When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
24. Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? - Homer
25. I married Miss Right. I just didnt know her 1st name was Always.